Old Coat

Hail and brittle ice bounce against the threads
And the warmth of the this fabric spreads
To the limbs that are constant occupants.
Faded cloths and mended patches are seen at a glance
Despite the wool, stalwart black,
Shielding the green silk stretched slack,
Tucked into pocket and sleeve.
Left on rack or chair to take reprieve
It awaits the next quest,
Or chance to be cuddle to the chest
Of the little girl who so loves it
Until it must retire to the closet.

虚偽 (Untruthful)

Question stated.
Answer already known
And the demons baited.

The tongue twists for release awaited,
The dark paths to which we are prone.
Question stated.

Open your mouth, trust desecrated
The seeds of lies are sown
And the demons baited.

Stand here like you were fated
Stand here all alone
Question stated.

Consequence makes the heart hated,
Swords you start to hone
And the demons baited.

Look what your foolishness has created
Here the truth is shown.
Question stated
And the demons baited.

越えて (Beyond)

Half of the bright moon stolen,
The curve carved by greedy men.
Humanity sold Eden.

In the night, death fills the air:
Smells of  arrogance, despair,
Desperation and warfare.

Against the guns, thoughts weaken.
Stumbling, the mind was driven,
Sanity redeemed by pen.

In the heart of the nightmare,
We huddle without a prayer.
Each breath a bold enough dare.

Sunset makes the stakes steepen.
Hunger and vision sharpen
The lights outside this den.

In each heartbeat, we prepare.
Beyond the bombs is somewhere
Our souls long to go out there.


Swirling smoke
From a dusty cigarette
Loses its identity
To these grey clouds
In this quiet city.

A car rolls by
Splashing the pooling
Dirt of the streets.
The red-eyed brakes scream
"Back to work."

No rest for shadows
Who must keep
Turning out nightmares.
This heaving monster
Is eating itself.

Like cigarette smoke
I lose myself in the rain.
Soul-selling shadows
Walk these streets,
Life-blood to sin.

Dear 黒本,

It's been a long time since I've needed you.   That's a good thing.  I originally brought this about because I had emotions clawing me apart to get out, feelings of grief and hatred that I had hidden away or were just too much to keep to myself.  It was a bad time and this was my way out.

I'm still reminded through little things.  Just small occurrences that are insignificant, that anyone would deal with, remind me of the past and things I'd like to run away from.  But they don't mean anything and don't have any results, so everything is okay.

Not to say I have no stress and worries.  Writer's block is creeping around somewhere.

Whether or not they know it, my friends are helping me deal, just as my writing had.  It's not even that I'm talking about my grief to get through it.  It's just listening to other people's problems, whether or not I say anything to identify with them, is a release all on it's own.  I'd like to talk about it, as I'm still reminded, but  I'm sick of dealing with pain and grief and want most to just not feel it anymore.  I don't want to open my mouth and lose all of my words because I'm not physically ready to tell someone how I feel.  How I've been feeling whenever I think about it.

It's late.  It's only been an hour into the 23rd, but it looks I'm surviving another one.  I'll try not to push myself to hard, because I know that if I try to "reminisce" I"ll cry.  I don't want to cry.  It's been a long time since it first happened and I've been sick of crying about it for a long time.

I feel hopeful. I'm not quite through the storm, but it's quieted down.  The clouds haven't cleared, but at least it has stopped raining.  It's not quite the first step to a new start - I accredit New Year's Eve that one - but it's another step in the right direction.  I'm not sure what my destination is yet, but I think it will be a good place.

I don't know you.  I don't know if you have dealt with the loss of a loved one.  I don't know how hard that blow hit you.  Maybe I've had it easy and just like to complain.  I don't want to sound like a cliche, but it will get better.  It takes forever, but it does get better.  I wouldn't say it gets easier, but it gets better.  I hope that you find, well, hope.  Even if you have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired to find it.  Look for sunshine in your rain clouds.  Maybe you'll find a rainbow.  Look for a sword, a shield, a source of strength and perhaps you'll find a life-giving well.  Just keeping holding on, keeping walking, even if you have to walk backwards because you can't turn away from it just yet. 


Fear not the enemy,
Come here beside me.
Knocking at the door
Like a merchant of death、
Fly here to a safer shore
And be wrapped in warm arms.

Fear not the battle,
We'll make their shields rattle.
These swords of silver
And the noise of guns
Will prove your allies braver
Than your strongest foe.

This Heart Flutters Like A Bird.

I don't think you know
How perfectly your shirt
Wrapped around your body
As you slept next to me.

I don't think you know
How much strength
That single hand on my shoulder had
And how much I didn't want to leave.

I don't think you know
How much I want to let
My hand follow the curve
Of your body,
Let my fingers follow your spine
Up to your neck
And leave kisses there.

And you don't know
How many kisses
Would be left along your collarbone
Wishing to follow down
The angle of it
But getting caught up
In the hollow there.

I don't think you know
How many times I've wanted
To pick up your hand
And leave a kiss there too
Like a knight pledging loyalty.
My forehead would touch
Your knuckles, in apology.

Because you didn't know
How this loyalty carries devotion
As I indulge in my insolence
Continuing to kiss your hand
Following to your wrist, your arm
Turning them gently
As I reach your elbow.

I don't think you know
How long I want
Those kisses to linger,
How long I want to take my time
Kissing slowly the soft parts
Back down to your palm
And putting all my kisses in your hand.

I don't know
How you take the stillness
That results from your touch.
Don't think it is coldness or neglect.

I don't know
How my eyes might betray me
And all of my feelings
Might show on my face.

Solitary Confinement.


A solitary word
For the singular me.

I came to visit,
You I came to see.
Yet, the house is empty.

I asked
A great many,
With answers that vary.
All equate to "I'm busy."

Here the walls are quiet
And the world seems lonely
But the lonely one is me
Sitting here in solitary
Alone as alone can be.

A Note:

I didn't mean for this to be a poem, but that is what it became.  Finishing it, I was reminded of a much better work.  I shall link it here if you are interested.

How To Be Alone - Tanya Davis


I am majestic black.
I wonder about the civilizations far below.
I hear the poet's call.
I see the smoke from battle.
I want to go higher above it all.
I am the King's Night.

I pretend to give advice.
I feel the Sky calling.
I touch the wind's breath.
I worry the Sun-Lord will take these feathers.
I cry out against the Owl.
I am majestic black.

I understand the Heaven's currents.
I say praises to my Lords.
I dream of the Palace with floors of blue.
I try to reach it, aloft on the breeze.
I hope to see above the shining clouds.
I am majestic black.

目的 (Purpose)

On this desert plain
I dig this well,
Dreading any rain.
Hoping it will spring
Only from the soul-pool
In cool shadows below.
Then, gone is pain,
Sadness, tears, hate, and fire.
All this will drain
Resulting in the memory-drought
To forget all hell.
Looking up to
Sky-fields and Sun-reign,
This rusted shovel tips.
Across the blue terrain
Travels dust and cloud as
The first rain-tear fell.


Hated things flash
In their own lightning
To themselves, attentions called
All eyes on our enemy.

They are of cannons and drums,
From such fire and smoke we dash
All affections are poison
When we are chased endlessly.

Choking and all-consuming ash
Surrounds like moonless darkness
Leaving a taste for teeth to gnash
Remaining only the sanctuary to which we crawled.

Without it, pure despair could smash
Any hope recalled.

雲の生活 (Cloud Lives)

Knife cuts into my hand,
Cuts out my heart,
Slit open for the slaughter.
I am just one man's daughter.
My heart is failing,
My skin is paling,
No mercy from the sky above,
My sickness prevailing.
Violence is the melody
Assaulting my senses as 
You fight me,
Hate me,
Keep me in these chains
I'm bent on breaking,
Meant on taking my life but
No life to take
For Heaven's sake
Sold my soul
Long ago
To the sky for
All the wishes I could carry
In a metal seive
They escape my mind
So many castles of desert sands
To float through our hands
A peaceful escaping mirage.