Dear 黒本、

  There is no feeling, no cares for this life.  It is a dreadful tar, black and bubbling, pulling me deeper and deeper with a faint gurgle.  Hardly any noise at all. After an eternity of struggling, I'll eventually slide under, gasping, and it will fill my lungs.   That is the end.
  This shadow of apathy overcomes my heart.  I care not about what's important and worry about what I cannot change.
  What a life this shadow urges.  So desirable the poison, I long to embrace the one who holds me down.

  Rage surges against what's good, what the shadows flee from, but no rage surges against my captor.  Held down forcibly, all energy taken and subdued, I love and sigh with relief.
  How strange that I should feel in the agony of apathy.


欺瞞 心臓 (Illusion Heart)

Pointless charms
Of pointless day
Come to waste
All time away

A city churns
Of human noise
All grace forgot
Elegance and poise

A single spark
To a free thought
Goodbye dear world
My ticket's bought

Blood to be shed
A price to be paid
A hole in the ground
Here I am laid

Eternal rest
Eternal sleep
No tears to cry
The grief's too deep

Pointless charms
Of pointless day
Come to waste
All life away

Dear 黒本,

It's almost cruel how time catches up to you, out strides you and runs faster than you can think.  It truly waits for no man.

It's been a long while since Justin passed.  God, how long has it been?  It was a month or so before his birthday in August.  July 23rd.  I always thought I'd remember because of 23 - the 23rd Psalm.  I Guess not.

I was remembering last night.  Last year for Christmas, I made everyone cookies. I was thinking of how this year, I won't be able to make better cookies for him.

During class today, I was remembering Justin's personality type.  I think we had similar personalities.

Before, I remembered Justin at every turn, but I smiled. It didn't hurt so much, didn't make me cry this way.  Isn't it suppose to get better, a slow fade to melting away?

Cruel time and cruel fates.  I know I'm not alone, so many others have gone away in the last couple of seasons, but I feel alone.   Alone and just trying to survive.


沈黙 (Silence)

In the winter darkness, the world falls silent.  The remaining embers die and the skin grows cold.  The world is all my own and I’m all alone until the screeching of tires and hapazard melody of the alarm.