Doubt and Desolation

Doubt is doubt...
I faced a shock today
Not that it was any of my business
But as friends we talk.
I don't mean to judge
But I don't know what to say.

This adds to the rain cloud growing.
What is truth?
What is true?
I don't know what to believe.
I don't want to believe my own convictions.
The tears rain down.

I walk and I walked.
I said my reasons for the path,
but I can't trust them any longer.
My own mind analyzes and mocks
What I wish to truly believe.
And I want.

The Lord is my Shepherd
And I should not want
But I don't feel
And don't know if I believe
I do want
And it consumes my heart.

I've forever lived
Knowing the world as just
Knowing my life and soul
Was in the hands of others
Merciful and cruel
Never my own self

But will I always be unhappy,
Will I always suffer at their hands?
I want the warm sun
Beheld in my heart
A fire of hope
A fire of life

In this darkness
There is only the souless.

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